Another exhausting day. I starved from breakfast- cereal, a protein bar and coffee was all I ate all day. Until I got home. When my house mate went out, I made dinner and ate so fast it barely registered. I lost control in a way.
But I didn't over eat. I didn't have two rolls, I didn't purge and I didn't go crazy.
I know starving doesn't work. But I'm so terrified that I will lose control and binge that right now, food is the enemy. Tomorrow I might try a sandwich at lunch time but I know its probably not going to be possible. Food is too hard.
I'm so tired. I just need rest all the time. And I was so bad tempered today. I was angry because I wasn't getting as much work done as normal and I felt like I had to. If I don't do well enough at work then I'm not a worthwhile person. I feel worthless unless I do well in as many areas as I can.
I feel like there is so much inside me right now, all this anger and hurt. And I don't know how to get it out. I cant voice it and I don't know what to say to people. I am going to try drawing it, because I loved art therapy when I was in treatment and I find drawing easier than talking.
Thursday, 17 June 2010
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